Dante Papier

Written by

Dante Papier

2 March 2021

Novlr Authors

A New Series: Introducing Dante Papier

Dante Papier is the mind-child of Novlr Author Daniel Piper, whom you can find on Instagram and substack and you can buy his book here. He has a new column here on the Novlr blog. Enjoy.

Dear friends and fans,

I am delighted to reveal that during lockdown, I have written over 230 books. Just as Shakespeare wrote King Lear during a plague, I have enjoyed the most productive and creatively fertile 12 months of my life. And I’m finally ready to share the spoils with you.

I have written poetry. Plays. Historical fiction. Spy novels. Erotic BDS&M thrillers. Children’s books. Rom-chick-lit. Fantasy dragon sagas. A biography of DJ Tiësto. And much, much more. I started writing in March 2020 and I have not stopped. I have written through the night. I have written in the morning. I have even written in the afternoon.

There comes a time when every writer must confront his, her or their truth. And it was during this period of isolation that I discovered mine. The more I wrote; the more I entered this state of frenzied creativity, of writerly euphoria (authoria), the more I realised: I was changing. I was becoming someone else. I was becoming the writer I was born to be. I was becoming Dante Papier.

Daniel Piper is no more. He was a fool. He did not seek truth in his writing. He sought popularity, sharing his “work” on s*cial m*dia. He was a slave to the the algorithm. A lackey to the Likes. But no more! As Dante, I have written the greatest works of my life. And as a gift to you, I will be sharing extracts of these works right here in this newsletter.

To begin, below you will find an extract of a spy novel featuring the suave and debonair secret agent, Luke Warm. Read it. Enjoy it. Share it. Reread it. Reenjoy it. Reshare it.

And remember: in a world where you can be anything, be anything.

Dante Papier
Author, Writer & Litterateur

Chapter 7: The Laboratory 

Extract from ‘Secret Agent Luke Warm and the Scientist Kidnapped for Nefarious Reasons’ by Dante Papier

Luke Warm entered the laboratory, where he found several scientists in lab coats doing scientific experiments. He glanced over one of the scientists’ shoulders at the purple solution inside his test tube.

‘Potassium Carbohydrate,’ Luke remarked.

‘That’s right,’ said the scientist. ‘You know your science.’

‘I studied at Oxbridge,’ Luke replied. He walked over to another scientist who was clearly struggling with her Bunsen burner.

‘Try turning it to the left,’ Luke offered. She did, and the flame suddenly turned from yellow to blue.

‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I did not know how to do that.’

‘I’m looking for Doctor Spitaswallow’, said Luke.

‘Well, you just found her,’ replied the female scientist. Luke raised an eyebrow.

‘A woman.’

‘Yes,’ said the woman. ‘But I am good at science.’

Luke raised an eyebrow. He extracted his Dunhill gunmetal cigarette case from his navy wool jacket pocket, took out a Marlboro Vintage cigarette and began to light it with his S.T. Dupont Minijet black cigarette lighter.

‘Hey, you can’t smoke in here,’ said Doctor Spitaswallow. 

Luke raised an eyebrow, then pulled out his Apple iPhone 12 Pro Max with Saddle Brown Leather Case and showed her a photograph. ‘This is Doctor Heinsenberg. I believe you and he were working on a top secret science project here in this laboratory. He disappeared two weeks ago. We believe he may have been kidnapped for nefarious reasons. Do you know where he is?’

A tear rolled down Doctor Spitaswallow’s delicate cheek. ‘He was my lover,’ she said. 

Luke raised an eyebrow. ‘Was?’

A tear rolled down Doctor Spitaswallow’s other cheek. ‘He left me a note two weeks ago saying that he was leaving, and I would never see him again.’

‘I see,’ said Luke, raising an eyebrow.

Doctor Spitaswallow looked up at Luke, and noticed, for the first time, how attractive he was. As she stared into his deep, blue eyes, he leaned forward to kiss her. But just before their lips met, he spotted, in the reflection of her feminine, pink eyes, a scientist approaching him from behind, brandishing a Bunsen burner. Luke ducked, and the Bunsen burner’s blue flame struck Doctor Spitaswallow in the chest, killing her instantly. Quick as a flash, Luke skilfully span around on the spot and threw a sharp left hook at the scientist, causing him to drop the Bunsen burner. Luke threw another punch which the scientist parried, and the next thing he knew he was crashing into a table, shattering vials and test tubes as he fell. The scientist stood over Luke and raised his hands. Looking up, Luke saw for the first time that the scientist was wearing a test tube over each of his fingers. That’s when he realised – this was no ordinary scientist. This was the famous scientist assassin, Doctor Death. 

‘It’s time for your appointment,’ said Doctor Death, pointing all ten test tube fingers at Luke’s face. But just before he could strike, Luke skilfully jackknifed to his feet, grabbed a vial of Potassium Carbohydrate and threw the contents into Doctor Death’s eyes, blinding him.

‘Aaaargh!’ Cried Doctor Death, blindly swiping his glass fingers. Luke skilfully forward-rolled between Doctor Death’s legs, picked up the fallen Bunsen burner and touched the blue flame to Doctor Death’s leg, killing him instantly.

Luke brushed down his suit and went to leave the laboratory. As he walked through the exit, he turned and looked back at the dozens of cowering scientists. He made a witty comment about the two dead people, and then left.